“An Uncontrollable Tail”

★ chapter one
★ chapter two
★ episode
★ home line

chapter one

[East Country, Valley of Storms–Cat Wizard’s Home]

Tuxedo Cat: (Rubbing its face, kneading)... Mrrr-hrrr...

Bradley: How d’you find it up here, Duke Tomcat? Comfortable?

Tuxedo Cat: Meooow...

Riquet: Bradley! I take my eyes off you for one second, and this is where I find you: sprawled across the nearest cushion! Do you have no shame…!?

You shan’t procrastinate during duty hours: we are meant to gather as many kitties as we can, don’t give up halfway!

Bradley: I ain’t slackin’ off, I just hit the hay for a sec’ an’ when I woke up, the li’l guy was already laying on my chest. I was keeping ‘im company, y’see?

Tuxedo Cat: (Rubbing its face) Mrrr-hrrr...

Riquet: Your chest must feel heavenly for him to knead on your clothes…

Bradley: Welp, as you can see, he’s settled right back an’ I can’t exactly move with him on me. I’m sure you’ll handle the kitty-gatherin’ just fine on yer own.

An’ if yer good, I’ll even give ya these cookies in exchange.

Riquet: No, thank you. I know you wish to laze around some more, but I will not allow you to give in to sloth.

Your attempts to bribe me won’t work either.

Bradley: That’s what a bad liar would say, an’ yer tail seems to agree.

Riquet: !!

Bradley: See how it swings? From what our gloomy curse-worker said, that’s a sign that yer at least a wee-bit interested. C’mon, say it: I know you want those cookies real bad.

Riquet: That’s… Ugh, fine, you got me. I do.

Bradley: Ahaha, I know, I know, ‘tis a real hell. Hang in there, pipsqueak; we jus’ gotta hope that this curse gets lifted soon.

This tail of yours betrays ya like no tomorrow, but imagine goin’ out an’ about where every man jack could see it: any guy sly enough could steal a look at your tail, guess how to trick’cha an’ use it against ya…

Hell, you might even make a fool of yerself an’ become the town’s freak before you can realise what hit’cha.

↑ back to top ↑

chapter two

[East Country, Valley of Storms–Cat Wizard’s Home]

Riquet: O-Oh no, I did not consider that…

But surely that’s all the more reason to oblige you to help me fetch the cats.

You have a tail as much as any of us here, after all. I do not see how and why this wouldn’t concern you as well.

Bradley: Hah, you think I care? I’m the northern menace, the Bradley: jus’ my name has pipsqueaks cryin’ an’ grown-ass men runnin’. That dun’ faze me.

Riquet: … …

…Um, by the way… I’m aware this is completely unrelated, but I’m itching for a certain dish, and I was hoping to ask Nero if we could have it for dinner…

Bradley: …Okay?

Riquet: What was it… You know, the thing crispy outside, juicy inside… Ah, yes! I want him to cook us a pile of fried chicken!

Bradley: What’s gotten into ya–

Riquet: Hah-ah! There, you wagged your tail!

Bradley: !!

Riquet: Your love for fried chicken spoke before your mind could, so much so that its mere mention made your tail instinctively quiver, correct?

Bradley: … …

Pish, you’ve got lots to learn still. Yer readin’ me all wrong.

I wasn’t waggin’, but thumping it. That’s one o’ the reaction you get when you sense danger. An’ right on cue… Look what we got over ‘here.

Riquet: That’s Mithra, yes? What of it?

Bradley: He’s gettin’ pissed chasin’ after all these cats, cant’cha see? Give ‘im two minutes, an’ he’ll blow this place sky-high.

If no one stops ‘im, the kittens gon’ get caught in the crossfire, or worse…

Riquet: …! We can’t let this happen! Worry not, I’ll stop Mithra!

Bradley: Sure, go an’ fulfil yer duty, kiddo.

Whew… Finally free. …Dunno how long I can hol’up like that…

Haaah… ‘Wish we knew how to lift that damn spell a’ready…

Tuxedo Cat: Mreooow.

↑ back to top ↑

episode story

“Feelings You Can’t Hide”

[Wizards’ Manor–Foyer]

Akira: Bradley! I wanted to thank you again for pushing through that case in the Valley of Storms.

I thought you all turning into cats would only happen in my wildest dreams, but to see it with my own two eyes…

Bradley: Hmph, well there ain’t many cases in my few hundred years where yer man got hit with that kinda wacky spell either.

Once was enough fo’ me, thank you. Dun’ wanna go through that pain in the arse ever again.

Akira: I had a sneaking feeling that getting caught in that type of western magic wasn’t exactly your cup of tea.

Bradley: You bet, ‘specially when Owen an’ the twins saw me in that twisted state. I’m gon’ hear about it fo’ the next century.

Luckily, only my body shifted… The southern an’ central shortstuffs though? They had it way worse—completely changed from the inside-out.

Rolling over, bellies on full blast, head-buttin’ each other, even playin’ with cat toys… They didn’t jus’ look the part, they were kittens through an’ through. Damn horrible.

Akira: Yeah, I remember Mitile and Riquet suffering a more drastic change. Even me, a human, felt severe cat-like traits affecting me…

(What a missed opportunity… If only Bradley had been hit by that kitty-fication as strongly as Mitile and Riquet…)

Bradley: I know that look. Sage—whatever yer thinkin’, you better drop it. Now.

Akira: M-Me!? Ahah, I don’t know what you mean~ It’s not like I’d wish you had suffered as much as they did! That would be sooo strange!

Oh my, look at the time! I better hang the laundry while it’s still nice out~!

Bradley: Man, yer a lousy liar, even the kiddos would do better…

home line

“Having a heart is a curse in disguise: swayed by temptations an’ desires, corruption eats it away bit by bit ‘til yer left with nothin’ but a husk waitin’ to be hexed. You’ve seen it happen with yer own two eyes, haven’tcha? …Haha, chill, y’got nothin’ to worry about: I know your heart can’t be easily swayed.”

↑ back to top ↑