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odorekijinULTIMATE were on their way to a promotional photoshoot for their new CD release, both ensconced in a luxury car. This extravaganza was not, however, arranged by their academy: in fact, it was Kagura’s personal vehicle.
With Kagura at the wheel, Kairi was playing around on his phone, merrily humming to himself:
“Shoot, shoot, we’re gonna have a photoshoot~! Everybody ‘s gonna fall head over heels for Kairi-kyun~!”
“Quiet down, would you?”
“Oh shut it party pooper.”
“Right back at you, I cannot focus on the road if you’re making a racket right next to me… Care to remind me why I accepted to be your personal driver?”
“Kairi-kyun doesn’t have a car, you know that.”
“Don’t you think thanks are in order then?”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re oh-so very kind, Mister Pain in The Ass, I cannot thaaank you enough.”
“I’m a firm believer that insincere gratitude is not worth accepting.”
“Ack! You’re really pushing your luck for just giving me a lift! Y’really wear your Pain in The Ass name well!”
“Take that back immediately before I throw you out of this car. Now!”
“D’you always hafta throw a temper? It’s getting tirin’ after a while. Aaanyway, munchies time!”
Kairi was rarely one to care for his surroundings, even less that he got a free lift from his partner. With his usual nonchalance, he retrieved a bag of cigarette-shaped cookies coated with chocolate—one of his favourite snacks to have in his dorm room—snuck deep in his pocket. He opened the bag wide, promptly stuffing his cheeks with a handful of cookies.
At the vocalist’s conspicuous crunching, Kagura finally spared a gaze to the passenger seat:
“Wha– AAARGH, STOP!!” His deafening shout rang through the vehicle and into the vocalist’s skull.
“Woah, whadda heck was that for!?”
“What do you think you’re doing!?”
“Uh, obviously playing chess? I was feelin’ peckish so I grabbed a li’l snack. D’you want me to starve or something?”
“You– J-Just look at the mess you’ve made! There are crumbs everywhere!!”
“Ngyah? Oh, hey, you’re right.”
“I’m being serious!!!”
“You’re makin’ a big thing out of a few wittle cwumbs~ ‘S okay, it can always be cleaned up later!”
“And pray tell who is going to vacuum this, hm!?”
“You, duh?”
“You ought to take responsibility!!”
“Hmmm~ Sowwy, I don’t speak donkey-linguo.”
“Kurahashi, I swear I’m going to–!!”
“H-Hey! Eyes on the road! You’re gonna get us kill–”
The wheel slipped from Kagura's grasp, oddly swerving the car as if to finish Kairi’s ominous warning. Kagura silently cursed at himself: it was too late for him to correct its course as the vehicle veered off into the opposite lane.
A few metres away, a truck barrelled into view.
“AAAAAH!!!”
⁂
While the staff were still busy wrapping up last-minute details for the photoshoot, Kagura slumped into a nearby chair, burying his face in his hands.
“I thought we would never make it here alive… I saw my life flash before m-my… Ah…”
“Still shaken ‘bout that?”
“Of course I am, we nearly escaped a car crash!”
“Yeah, and you were behind the wheel.”
“That doesn’t change anything! None of this would have happened if you didn’t initiate a conversation!”
“Sure, it’s aaalways Kairi-kyun’s fault. Should have seen that one comin’.”
“You’re partly at fault! Had you not eaten those biscuits next to me, I wouldn’t h-have… Eugh…”
“Alright, alright, I get it. You’ll pull through all that cleaning, I believe in ya.”
“KURAHASHI!!”
Their spat could have lasted hours were it not for a staff member rushing over, seemingly ready to begin the photoshoot.
Kagura stood up with knitted brows. “I cannot see myself focusing on the photoshoot after such an incident… That’s not a healthy headspace for work…”
Kairi spun on his heels, glaring at the composer. “Stop grumblin’, wouldja?”
The photographer guided the students through the poses, both diligently following the instructions. Yet, the frown on Kagura’s features dug deeper by the second.
“Takatsuki-san! Could you… give me a little smile at least?” Suggested the photographer, manifestly at their wits’ end.
Kagura grunted, “I’m in no mood to smile, and you can only blame him for that.”
“I’m gonna sound like a broken record, but it wasn’t my fault! You only got yourself to blame! Hmph!”
“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t make me look away from the road!”
“Huh? Say that again!?”
The staff member shared helpless glances, surrendering to yet another of ULTIMATE’s disagreement.
“Put that incident aside for now. Look, you’re only makin’ this harder for everybody, so try to be serious and professional, ‘kay?”
“That’s precisely what I was doing–”
“Nonono, take a goood look ‘round you. See? Everybody ‘s been waitin’ for you to get your head in the game.”
The composer scanned the room, his gaze met with nothing but uneasiness spread among all employees. The situation was dire: he had violated one of the principles in Takatsuki Kagura’s Inner Ego Rulebook—“You Shall Not Be a Hindrance to Your Peers.”
Kagura sank into silence.
“So, do you get it? Are you finally ready to take this photoshoot seriously?”
“I had no intention of causing so much trouble, I didn’t realise…”
“Oh yeah? Then go on, show them.”
The session resumed, but his austere expression had yet to dissolve from his features. The photographer naturally drew attention to the issue, hoping to correct his stiffness a second time.
This was the final nail in the coffin for Kagura. The composer dropped to his heels, burying his face in his knees.
“Ngyahhh~ What the heck ’s wrong with ya now!?”
“I apologise, I… I still can’t bring myself to smile…”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, I can’t seem to get in the right mindset…”
“Pullin’ the diva attitude on me now? I won't hesitate to whoop your ass if you’re making up excuses."
“I am not! I’m trying with all I have, yet I struggle to make it work! Would you even understand…? I cannot crack a smile at the thought of vegetables!? Me! Takatsuki Kagura!”
“I’d be pretty impressed if veggies got you running around ‘n kicking your feets, not gonna lie.”
“The mere thought of it usually gets me to smile, at least unconsciously, and yet I can’t—”
“Nghhh, ‘kay, fine! I’ll bite the bullet! I’ll help you, but you’ll hafta get up first.”
“Help me? How?”
“Just trust me on this one.” Replied Kairi, helping the composer back on his feet.
Back to back, their gaze fixed the camera a few steps away from them.
“How’s that pose for you, good? Aight, now listen to me.”
“...What on Earth are you–”
“Tadokoro in a frilly dress.”
“Pardon?”
“Just try to imagine it.”
“I don’t like the image it’s painting in my mind. It’s repulsive.”
“How’bout Kajippi with nothin’ but speedos on then?”
“Pfft–...”
The simple evocation of Haruhi in indecent clothing spontaneously drew a giggle out of Kagura.
“Yeah, that’s what we want! Now imagine Ashinocchi in a red spandex bodysuit.”
“Ahah- Hrm…Y-You moron, s-stop…”
“Soramelo rocking a bushy unibrow.”
Kagura snickered, “H-hey… I told you to, to drop it–”
Kagura's features softened, unable to contain his laughter much longer. The photographer instinctively pressed the button, seizing the opportunity to capture the scene as quickly as they could. The unit’s complicity radiated from this single shot, albeit fruit of rather drastic methods.
Success was in sight. Every soul in the room was holding back their enthusiasm lest the diversion be discovered, thereby wasting Kairi's efforts.
“Sebumin as a sadist delinquent–”
“Pfft–puahah–”
“Or Shirochan wearing a wedding dress.”
“Ehe-ahaha–!”
Kagura’s uproar of laughter easily deafened the frantic clicking of the camera’s shutter. At the end of the session, the staff crew gave a round of applause to Kairi, praising his intimate understanding of his partner.
(They actually get along like a house on fire, who would have thought…)
Banter, too, is a love language.
Cats and dogs can have antagonistic interactions yet still be able to form a strong relationship—that day was but proof of it.
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