SSR Bradley (Bandit Group of Death) “Stealing A Bite, At The Peril Of One’s Life” (Initial)

[odorekijin]

★ chapter one
★ chapter two
★ chapter three
★ episode

chapter one

Stealing A Bite, At The Peril Of One’s Life

[Manor’s Corridor]

 

Akira: (Today’s lunch was as delicious as always.)

(I’d love to stop by Nero’s restaurant someday if— …Ah.)

Bradley: …

Akira: (That’s Bradley, and it looks like he’s in a pretty bad mood, too...)

(Best to just give him a quick nod and leave him be.)

(Footsteps)

Bradley: …Hey, hold up, stop right there.

(Ruffling)

Akira: Wha-what’s wrong? Why did you grab my arm all of the sudden...

Bradley: You stared me down just now, didn’tcha, jerk?

Akira: Excuse me!? I was not!

Bradley: Hah? Then why’dya look at me with yer lips sealed like that, huh? If you’ve got somethin’ to say, then say it to my face, loud ‘n clear.

Akira: I only nodded at you as a greeting, though...

Bradley: Nodded? Think you can talk yer way outta this one that easy?

Akira: (He really won’t believe me… What should I do…)

Snow: That’s enough, Bradley! Cease threatening our Sage immediately!

White: Enough, Bradley! Let go of our Sage at once!

Akira: Snow, White!

Bradley: Tch, now the geezers showed up…

Shut yer trap, you two, I didn’t do anythin’ to ‘em—right, Master Sage?

Akira: (I mean, I guess he didn’t do anything bad yet, but…)

Snow: Utter nonsense. Would you care to explain why you are currently grabbing our Sage’s arm, then?

White: You have been caught red-handed, I’m afraid. It is in your best interest to refrain from lying to us any further.

Bradley: Shit, I forgot.

Snow: Consider your options wisely, Bradley.

White: Surrender now, Bradley.

Bradley: Ugh...

Akira: Um, I’m fine, really, so can we—

???: Or, perhaps, Bradley simply wanted to hold hands with our Master Sage.

Bradley: The fuck?

(Shuffling)

Figaro: Weren’t you, Bradley?

Bradley: Figaro… The hell are you doin’ here…

Figaro: I want to hold our dear Master Sage’s hands too, you see? Truly, you must feel no shame in wanting to clasp their hands in yours as well.

Bradley: What kinda bullshit are you on—

Figaro: Wouldn’t you want to hold my hands too, Master Sage?

Akira: No, that’s not...

Bradley: Hey! Stop ignorin’ me, ya bastard!

Snow: Oh, he snapped back.

White: Perhaps we should give them some privacy.

Bradley: Tch, I can’t put up with yer crap. Say whatever the hell you want, I dun’ give a shit.

Snow: My, my, but we did say that we caught you red-handed a few seconds ago, did we not?

Bradley: Huh? Again with that garb―

Figaro: Oh, so you admit that you wanted to hold hands with our Master Sage.

Bradley: That ain’t what I said, dammit!

White: My, my, Bradley, there’s no need to be so rash!

Akira: (I feel like things will get out of hand soon, somehow…)

chapter two

[Manor’s Corridor]

 

Akira: Phew… They really spooked me back there.

(Though… I feel like Snow, White and Figaro were teasing Bradley on purpose.)

Maybe they do get along, after all—

…Hm? It smells super nice... Is this… the kitchen?

(Maybe Nero or Miss Kanaria is cooking something?)

[Manor’s Kitchen]

 

Akira: Anyone in thereー

Bradley: …Crap.

Akira: Bradley? What are you—Hey!

Ngh… Hmhmm!

(He was so quick, how...!)

(No, wait, more importantly, what’s going on…!)

Hmm! Hm-hm!

(I can’t… I can’t move with his hand over my mouth…!)

Bradley: Go yappin’ ‘n I’ll slice yer throat.

Akira: (gasps) !

Bradley: Capiche? Now zip it.

Akira: (coughs) Phew…

Bradley: Ya got me there kiddo, thought Nero had busted me.

Akira: “Busted”...? Are you, perhaps, trying to steal some food?

Bradley: Duh, obviously. I dun’ know anyone who’d skip on their share when they’ve got this sweet grub right under their nose.

But if Nero finds me, I’ll hear about it day in ‘n out, so we gotta be real quiet. Yer my partner in crime now, ay?

Akira: What? But I didn’t come here to steal any kind of food!

Bradley: Then why didja waltz in the kitchen, hm? You caught the same scent that I did, didn’tcha?

Akira: Well...

Bradley: It’s written all over yer face, c’mon, admit it.

Akira: I simply wanted to greet Nero or Miss Kanaria, if they happened to be inside, that’s all.

Bradley: Hmm, oh yeah? ‘N yer gonna say the same thing after lookin’ at this bad boy?

Akira: (Hm? The pot?)

(Ah, but that’s...)

Stew?

(So that’s what smelled so good in the hallway just now... Okay, maybe I wouldn’t mind tasting a liiittle bit of that stew.)

…(Gulp.)

Bradley: So? Makes yer tummy growl too, ay? Look, there's even some bread there—pass it over.

Akira: Do you mean this?

Bradley: Yup.

Akira: But, still, that’s stealing…

Bradley: ‘S fine as long as no one catches us.

???: Caughtcha hands in the pot, now who’s gonna catch who, huh?

Bradley: Gh…!

Akira: (Th-this voice, that’s…)

chapter three

[Manor’s Kitchen]

 

Nero: I leave my post for two friggin’ minutes, and this is what I come back to?

Akira: (I’ve never seen Nero look that fed up before...)

Nero, sorry, we——

Bradley: Tch—welp, if we’ve been busted, then we gotta own it. It ain’t gonna make much difference if we dig into just a li’l bit of that stew anyway, ay? Sooo, can we?

Nero: Well, well… You’ve got some nerve tryna snitch food right under my nose.

Akira: Nero… What’s that kitchen knife fo—

Bradley: Uh-oh, that’s it, we’re toast.

Akira: What?

Nero: That stew has been cookin’ for a while ‘n it’s still gotta simmer, so if y’all still wanna see the light of day to eat the good stuff, y’all better get the hell outta this kitchen right now…!!

Akira: Bradley! Watch out!

Bradley: Whoa! Damn, that one was close.

Akira: A-are you okay?

Bradley: Things get real dirty when he gets like that, we gotta get outta here now!

Akira: But whe—...Woah!

Wait, please! Just why are you carrying me...

Bradley: Shut up. If ya dun’ wanna die, you best zip it ‘n stay still. We’re gonna make a run for it, so strap in.

Akira: (Just how can things escalate so quickly, seriously...!)

[Manor’s Garden]

 

Bradley: Huff… Phew… Okay, I think we’re good here.

Damn, that lad’s wretched when he wants t’ be. Couldn’t even get a spoon outta that stew, man.

Akira: Um, can you put me down now?

Bradley: Oh, yeah, right, here ya go.

Akira: Owowow, ouch… You don’t have to just drop me like that…

Bradley: Ah, yeah, ma bad...

Akira: (Wait, wh-Bradley actually apologised!?)

(Crash)

Akira: Bradley!? Are you okay!?

Bradley: …Man, I’m starvin’...

…’N here I thought I coulda munch on somethin’ after goin’ through all that crap, but I just ended up wastin’ all my energy...

Akira: (He must be starving...)

(Okay, maybe I do feel sort of sorry for him—...Hm? Hold on, that’s…)

Bradley: Haah...

Akira: Hey, Bradley, would you like some of this, perhaps?

Bradley: Wha? Oh, that!

Man, well ain’t that the bread from earlier! How’dja even manage t’ snag that?

Akira: When you asked me to get some back in the kitchen, I must have held onto it after we ran out…

Bradley: Hell yeah, jackpot! Hand it over!

Akira: Woah–

Bradley: Munch, munch… Aah, that hits the sweet spot.

Akira: (Good, now that is the Bradley I know.)

Bradley: Man, anythin’ that guy makes is outta this world. Yer pretty good too, Sage, ya get stuff done when ya gotta.

If ya feel like it, y’know, I can make you one of my subordinates, hm? How’s that?

Akira: Ahaha, well, thank y—... Ah.

(Darn it, now I’ve done it! There’s no way I’ll come off as anything but his accomplice now…)

episode story

Whether I Like Them Or Not

[Manor’s Front Garden]

Akira: You gave Drummond’s soldiers quite the fright back when they had the Manor surrounded.

Bradley: Think so?

Akira: Yeah, and when you said that you’d kill them all, you were kind of… well, kind of scary.

Bradley: Hah? Duh, you bet yer ass I was. They attacked us, y’know? So what, didya really want me to stay quiet ‘n let ‘em off the hook easy-peasy?

Akira: No, no, that’s not what I meant. I had only seen you as the “brusque big brother that eats for ten” type of guy up until then, so…

Bradley: You damn li’l bastard, ya got some real balls to say that to the face of the Great Bradley, the bandit leader that makes even kiddos piss their pants.

Akira: Sure, that situation was scary, but I was also… kind of thrilled by how strong and powerful you looked, too.

Bradley: Hmm, oh yeah?

Akira: But then you sneezed and poofed somewhere else…

Bradley: That’s the part you gotta keep to yerself, ya jerk.

Bradley flicked my head.

Akira: Do you hate humans, Bradley? How do you feel about them?

Bradley: It ain’t about hatin’ them or not when they barely even exist in my eyes. I gotta say though, their yappin’ ‘n cryin’? That pisses me off. Still, their food’s pretty tasty.

Akira: I see...

Bradley: Hey, yer also a human too, now that I think about it.

Akira: U-um, yes, yes I am. Do I barely exist in your eyes too, then?

Bradley: Are you standin’ in front of me or are you not, ya twit? I am acknowledging ya.

Whether I like ya or not though, that’s somethin’ you’ll see yerself soon enough.