Animate Girls Festival 2023—Short Story: ULTIMATE | “Same-old Slapstick”

[odorekijin]

Released on November 9th, 2023. (source)

An event drafted and produced by COLORATION has been in the works to promote this year’s “Tokyo Color Sonic” selection. Kairi and Kagura had been called to try on their personal outfits for the occasion.

As soon as the unit stepped into the dressing room, Kairi dropped flat on the couch.

“Ughhh, I dun’ wanna do this outfit check~ I’m bored outta my miiind.”

“I agree. Besides, why did we have to attend this fitting together? I fail to understand their reasoning…”

“Dunno, they’re probably doing it on purpose just to nag us.”

“These two… And they dare call themselves our instructors…”

“Welp, nothing we can do about it. Let’s just wrap this up ASAP. Kairi-kyun ‘s gotta go back to his game~”

“That game you speak of… Weren’t you playing it last night as well?”

“Uh, yes? So what?”

“I could hear you and your game from my room until ungodly hours. You must remember that you cohabitate with someone else. Try to be a little more tactful next time.”

“No will do~ Kairi-kyun’s number one policy is to aaalways do whatever he likes, whenever he likes.”

“A whole lot of crap for a policy, if you ask me.”

“Good, ‘cause I didn’t. I dun’ need a stupid pain in the ass dimwit like you tellin’ me what’s right or not! Hmph!”

“I am not stupid, nor am I a dimwit. I have been meaning to tell you this before, but you must understand that I am a brilliant student that—”

“Yeah yeah, just shut up, I don’t care.”

Kagura shot daggers at his vocalist who simply seemed bothered by the background noise of his lecture.

“Awright, so what ’s my fit s’posed to be~...” Picking his personal ensemble off the rack, Kairi held the clothes over his frame, examining his reflection in the mirror. “Mhm~ lookin’ sharp.”

“Regardless of the occasion, they still pair you with the most unusual and loud apparels they have.”

“Heh, then I’m the only person to ever exist that can rock these kinda looks.”

“Indeed. It perfectly suits an odd individual like you.”

“Yours ain’t too shabby either. I’m glad it suits your vibes.”

“...It suits me? What are you implying?”

“I’m not gonna spell it for you. I know, I know, it’s shuuuper hard for you, but try to think with your own head a li’l.” Kairi playfully snickered, deliberately taunting his unit-mate.

Kagura could only muster a click of his tongue as an answer.

“I know no other man on this Earth that manages to irritate me the way you do.”

“What goes around, comes around~”

“Hmph.”

Kairi had been taking off his clothes a piece at a time as they chatted, and soon enough, he was just in his underwear. Nothing out of the ordinary for Kagura, too accustomed to Kairi regularly wandering around the flat half-naked.

On the other hand, the composer never showed even a glimpse of his bare skin for Kairi’s eyes to see. Hesitation creeped within him as he took his ensemble off the rack.

“(This is bound to become more complicated than expected…)”

Kairi turned to his frozen stiff composer, raising a questioning eyebrow:

“What’s wrong? Why ain’tcha changed already?”

“……”

“Oh, givin’ me the silent treatment now?”

“No, I’m, uh, I…”

“Huh?”

Kagura awkwardly fidgeted, flustered. Kairi instinctively scrunched his nose:

“You never relax, do you~? You can’t be that kinda prudish guy, I know. Plus I haven’t said anythin’ that could trigger ya, and it’s not even cold in here to have you shake like a leaf. That kinda reaction is wayyy too outta character, even for a pain in the butt like you…”

Kagura was like an open-book, and Kairi had hit the nail on the head.

The composer’s sudden sheepishness left Kairi open-mouthed:

“Wait… Deadass? You’re for real?”

”I do not like nor wish to expose my bare skin in public. Just give me two minutes, Kurahashi, and keep your back turned.”

“I don’t mind seein’ you stripped down though?”

“I’m not doing this for you. I never liked people seeing me in my underwear, even as a kid!”

“You’re overreactin’. How’d you do during P.E. or in changing rooms anyway?”

“I have a technique to change without taking all my clothes off…”

“Oh, yeah~? Then why don't you just do that?”

“It's… Quite difficult with the clothes I have on today. I just can’t do it wherever I please, alright!?”

“Daw, you can be a real headache when you want~ Get that outfit on already.”

“Never! Especially not in front of you!”

“Stop fuckin’ around, gee.”

“Look who’s talking. All I’m asking is that you turn around for a second!”

“Y’know I dun’ like it when you give me orders.”

“Stop trying to have the last word…!”

“Hihi, bad news, I was born like that.”

“You wretched bastard!”

“Aaanyway, mister Pain in the Ass who’s exceptionally butthurt today, go change. Now.”

“Ngh…”

“Oh, right, you can’t do something so simple! Where’s your usual high ‘n mighty bravado, hm? C’mooon, what’s wrong, great leader of all morons?”

“Ngh, grr…”

“You’re makin’ a storm in a teacup, for real. Gee, our Kagura is such a coward! Hahah, I can’t, you… You gotta be the ultimate, most bland scaredy-cat this world has ever known!”

“Ngh– RAAAAH, STOP! ENOUGH WITH THE INSULTS!!”

“Get dressed already then~ I know you won’t do it anyway~”

“That’s not the issue!”

“No pressure though! I told you I wouldn’t mind!”

“Fine. Listen here Kurahashi: once I take my clothes off, you will immediately take back everything you said about me just now. Understood?”

“Hm? What did I say again?”

“That I was a coward! How could you forget!?”

“Oh, that. M’okayyy, fine, I’ll take it back.”

“And you will keep your word!”

Kagura sighed, settling his resolve, finally peeling off his clothes.

“Seriously, you could have done that ten minutes ago, ugh. Who cares if you’re scrawny under that–…”

The figure that unwrapped before him was unexpectedly well-proportioned, svelte, and athletic. The sight of his bare composer came as a letdown to Kairi.

“……”

“Don’t stare at me like that.”

”Whadda– Do you, like, work out or something?”

”Hm? I never skip my daily jogging and strength building sessions, if that’s what you’re asking.”

”...Oh okay. I, uh, I see…”

Kairi averted his gaze. Perhaps the vocalist wasn’t as entertained as he thought he would be by Kagura's proportions, visibly more toned than his own. Shades of frustration and nuisance dripped from his features.

“What’s with the sudden change of attitude? You ought to keep up your end of our agreement. Go on, I’m listening.”

“Kairi-kyun ‘s bored, he’s gonna take a breather for a sec’.”

“Huh? What are you saying now, Kuraha– Hey, wait!!”

Kairi made his way for the exit, indifferent to his composer, coincidentally bumping into Tadokoro who had come to check on his students.

“Kurahashi?”

“Oh, heyyy, if this isn’t Tadokoron!”

“Keep the chummy tone to yerself. Where are you going?”

“Getting my assets ready.”

“Hah? You’re forbidden to leave with that outfit on.”

“I don’t care!”

Paying no heed to Tadokoro, Kairi bolted down the hallway.

“Kurahashi, come back here! I don’t care if ya head out, just tell me why, else I’ll have to stop you.”

The vocalist turned around at the ominous warning, visibly beside himself.

“I don’t wanna be humiliated, ‘specially by him!”

“What?”

“So as a man, I gotta fight to defend my pride!”

Then, Kairi ran off, driven by something that Tadokoro could hardly explain.

“...Kids these days, they’re somethin’ else.”

This was the first time Tadokoro saw Kairi alarmingly disturbed, and also his last.

―When Tadokoro came back to the dressing room and recounted his strange encounter with the vocalist, Kagura soundlessly fell to his knees, doubled over with laughter.

THE END